Expectations, agitations

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

You want it and you think you want it.
You say to yourself you are
making strides towards it and
you plan and scribble little plans
and more plans, goals and more
goals, why power and visualizing the
outcome. What else?
Porridge in a bowl, waiting
and seeds.

26 or 27/11/2018

I’ve started consuming a lot of YouTube content. Days’ worth. I’ll watch while I’m cooking, lolling in bed, over my coffee/ tea. Sometimes I treat it more like talk radio – just having it on in the background.

Yesterday, while washing my dishes, I watched/ listened to an interview between Ellie Lee and K-pop artist Jackson Wang. When asked what he would do if he had three days off, Jackson said he would use the time to produce songs. Because when you love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work. This from a man who juggles two careers.

When I realized that 2020 would be a different sort of year, devoid of many of the distractions I usually schedule into my life (exhibitions, theatre and music, wild swimming), I decided that this would be the perfect time to focus on some substantial goals: making strides with the part-time studies, improve my language skills and practise the viola.

This last weekend, I didn’t listen to the German podcast episode I’d put on my to do list. Not because I didn’t have time – I had loads of that, and solely in my own company. But because somehow the lus for it escaped me.

There has been very little progress on the language front. I have to will myself to take out my viola, which I did for 40 minutes on Sunday, wondering – what is the point, I’ve been playing for years and second position still sounds atrocious.

I can (and did) find close to 13 hours, most late-night Saturday and early morning Sunday, to watch a full K-drama series.

I woke up this morning, poured out a bowl of muesli and sat down to an hour’s study work with my Zoom group. Then I prepared and scheduled this post before the workday began.

You think you want to accomplish things, but truly – how much do you give to making them happen.

Published by BeadedQuill

Author of over 300 poems, also books, essays and short stories. Published in the Johannesburg Review of Books, Carapace and Type/Cast. BeadedQuill's titles are for sale via Blurb.co.uk

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